A Dog's Diary vs A Cat's Diary.
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- Nomad Soul
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A Dog's Diary vs A Cat's Diary.
by Nomad Soul » Thu Mar 23, 2006 6:59 pm
Haha, I'm laughing uncontrollably! This is so true...
EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DAILY DIARY:
8:00 a.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 a.m. Wow! A car ride! This is a blast!
9:40 a.m. A walk in the park! Ate some crap...Delicious!
10:30 a.m. Getting rubbed and petted! I'm in love!
12:00 p.m. Lunch! Yummy!
1:00 p.m. Playing in the yard! I just love it!
3:00 p.m. Staring adoringly at my masters...they're the best! I'll wag my tail in joy.
4:00 p.m. Hooray! The kids are home! I'm bouncing off the walls!
5:00 p.m. Milkbones! Great!
7:00 p.m. Get to play ball! This is too good to be true!
8:00 p.m. Wow! Watching TV with my master! Heavenly!
11:00 p.m. Sleeping at the bottom of my master's bed! Life is soooooooo great!
EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DAILY DIARY:
Day 683 of My Captivity:
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomited on the floor..
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ''good little hunter'' I am. The audacity!! There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to my power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow-- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released--and he seems more than willing to return! He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant-- I observe him communicating with the guards regularly.
I am certain that he reports my every move. The captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe-- for now.
EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DAILY DIARY:
8:00 a.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 a.m. Wow! A car ride! This is a blast!
9:40 a.m. A walk in the park! Ate some crap...Delicious!
10:30 a.m. Getting rubbed and petted! I'm in love!
12:00 p.m. Lunch! Yummy!
1:00 p.m. Playing in the yard! I just love it!
3:00 p.m. Staring adoringly at my masters...they're the best! I'll wag my tail in joy.
4:00 p.m. Hooray! The kids are home! I'm bouncing off the walls!
5:00 p.m. Milkbones! Great!
7:00 p.m. Get to play ball! This is too good to be true!
8:00 p.m. Wow! Watching TV with my master! Heavenly!
11:00 p.m. Sleeping at the bottom of my master's bed! Life is soooooooo great!
EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DAILY DIARY:
Day 683 of My Captivity:
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomited on the floor..
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ''good little hunter'' I am. The audacity!! There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to my power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow-- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released--and he seems more than willing to return! He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant-- I observe him communicating with the guards regularly.
I am certain that he reports my every move. The captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe-- for now.
Since the creation of the Internet, the Earth's rotation has been fueled, primarily, by the collective spinning of English teachers in their graves.
by roy_vf1s » Sun Mar 26, 2006 12:28 pm
The scariest part is, I'd swear my dog is that blindly faithful/stupid and my girlfriend's cat is that deviously stupid.
I've caught that cat staring at me, and it feels like it's plotting my death. O_O;;
I've caught that cat staring at me, and it feels like it's plotting my death. O_O;;
- Blue Phoenix
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by Blue Phoenix » Sun Mar 26, 2006 2:52 pm
I have had many cats in my life, and two dogs.
First dog thought he owned the place and growled at us if we tried to move him off his favorite chair.
Second dog doesn't get much attention, but is love incarnate.
My oldest cat who lived to be 14 hated the indoors, crying her head off, but was very loyal. She came home and ate her dinner, often leaving offerings of dead rats, mice, birds, moles, and various other vermin. She even once killed a rabbit, and then brought us the baby of the rabbit she killed....she thought she could be its mother. She adopted several kittens (aka stole) and we have raised them ourselves most of the time.
The two cats we have inside of our house believe that they own us. My mother is expected to awake at exactly feeding time, and she is supposed to exist in the house whenever they wish to be petted. If they do not wish to be petted, they wish to sleep on the furniture and that mainly involves one of our beds. Don't be confused by the diary, cats aren't prisoners, the people who own them are!
First dog thought he owned the place and growled at us if we tried to move him off his favorite chair.
Second dog doesn't get much attention, but is love incarnate.
My oldest cat who lived to be 14 hated the indoors, crying her head off, but was very loyal. She came home and ate her dinner, often leaving offerings of dead rats, mice, birds, moles, and various other vermin. She even once killed a rabbit, and then brought us the baby of the rabbit she killed....she thought she could be its mother. She adopted several kittens (aka stole) and we have raised them ourselves most of the time.
The two cats we have inside of our house believe that they own us. My mother is expected to awake at exactly feeding time, and she is supposed to exist in the house whenever they wish to be petted. If they do not wish to be petted, they wish to sleep on the furniture and that mainly involves one of our beds. Don't be confused by the diary, cats aren't prisoners, the people who own them are!
by MasumiX » Mon Mar 27, 2006 8:08 am
Bah, my (ex) cat believed he the earthly reincarnation of THOR and after a brisk round of slaughtering every mammle in sight he'd go for a quikc whisk throught he neighborhood and bleed every dog that dared impune his existance with the offensive sound of "woof", and before diner his light activity consisted of playing chicken with cars, and winning, even after being struck. His evening activities consisted of ompregnating EVERYTHING and then purring like a harley while sleep on my 9 year chest, all 24 kilos of him, no wonder I have the constitution of a horse... O.o
Oh and the Muts, yeah, each and everyone one of them has developed some sort o debilitation illness, I blame the Cat
Oh and the Muts, yeah, each and everyone one of them has developed some sort o debilitation illness, I blame the Cat
by COBRA » Fri Mar 31, 2006 6:42 am
If we are going to speak about our cats who it might be incarnated from the old world of gods, then I must say my cat is like a woman of modern day. 
At the moment, she can be extreamly cute and nice. Cuddle up against you and purr sweetly, letting you pet her as much as you want, showing you her belly which is one of here most sensitive parts. But in the next moment, she can be really scary and attack you without a reason. Got lots of scars and wounds from her, but it made me stronger (and +10 resistent against claws and teeth ). My last relationship was something like that, except claws and teeth was not included ofcourse -_-"
At the moment, she can be extreamly cute and nice. Cuddle up against you and purr sweetly, letting you pet her as much as you want, showing you her belly which is one of here most sensitive parts. But in the next moment, she can be really scary and attack you without a reason. Got lots of scars and wounds from her, but it made me stronger (and +10 resistent against claws and teeth
). My last relationship was something like that, except claws and teeth was not included ofcourse -_-"
by Panaka » Fri Mar 31, 2006 2:02 pm
We had a cat once. She had one problem: She had been my dad's before he met my mom. The thing was spoiled rotten and acted the part. Not just average spoiled rotten like every cat but 10 times worse and extremely quick to scratch anybody but dad.
She tried on several ocasions to take over the house, but each time we retaliated with equal or greater force. When she tried to bring down the chrismass tree, her nose was pressed up against the lightbulb she tried to swat (the old type that get's hot).
She scratched me without cause. The only thing that kept her from flying over the 14th floor balcony was the door after mom picked her up in the scruff of the neck and send her flying. I hit her over the head with a solid wood ratler the very next day(was 1 year old at the time, don't actually remember doing it). Apperently she took two steps and fell over. She stayed out cold for the rest of the day.
Don't know what happened to the cat. She ran away. Probably went to report to 'Cat HQ' that her mission had failed.
She tried on several ocasions to take over the house, but each time we retaliated with equal or greater force. When she tried to bring down the chrismass tree, her nose was pressed up against the lightbulb she tried to swat (the old type that get's hot).
She scratched me without cause. The only thing that kept her from flying over the 14th floor balcony was the door after mom picked her up in the scruff of the neck and send her flying. I hit her over the head with a solid wood ratler the very next day(was 1 year old at the time, don't actually remember doing it). Apperently she took two steps and fell over. She stayed out cold for the rest of the day.
Don't know what happened to the cat. She ran away. Probably went to report to 'Cat HQ' that her mission had failed.
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