The demented ravings of a truly twisted mind...?

[Jagernaut Profile]

Just started typing and this came out! What do you all think...?

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THE VOICE OF REASON


It’s early evening as the rain beats steadily against your bedroom window. Poor Timmy, always stepped upon and kicked around. Always the scapegoat. Like a model victim, you endured each day, timidly accepting what they handed you. But not anymore, right Timmy? I must admit, it wasn’t easy getting you to listen to me, but now we’re on the same page.

‘C-click, c-click, c-click…’ It’s almost soothing; the sound they make as one by one you slide the bullets into the clip. Soft and round to the touch, they glint dully in the washed out light from your window. Not that you need the whole clip, really. It only takes one. What’s that? You’ve loaded the clip already? Well, I suppose. It’s like I always say: You can never have too much of a good thing.

You look to the object lying before you on the bed and for just a moment, I feel you shiver. It’s okay Timmy, nothing to be scared of… See? Dull black with a faint smell of oil, handle tilted at a roguish angle. Your hand itches to touch it. You’ve always wanted to touch it, hold it, ever since the first time you saw your father cleaning it in the den downstairs. He was clever, your father, for hiding and locking the gun. But not clever enough.

My brains and your brawn; a little teamwork was really all it took. Oh P’shaw! Don’t pretend like you were scared! Sneaking downstairs in the middle of the night and claiming your prize from right under your fathers’ nose. You were so excited you nearly wet yourself! Ahhh… There’s your smile, Timmy. You know I love to see you smile. And if it’s a little predatory, so what?

What’s that noise you say Timmy? Why I believe that’s your parents watching TV downstairs. Don’t worry. You won’t get caught. I’ve thought of everything. Your hands begin to shift in your lap as if reaching for the gun. Patience, Timmy, patience. Take it slow. Savor every moment. Trust me. I’ll never let you down. Thunder rumbles distantly out the window, and you can hear the house settle around you.

Now. You feel it too, don’t you Timmy? Your body no longer shakes and your hand no longer trembles. You can almost feel my hand on yours as together we reach for the gun. You pick up the gun. Hmmm… It’s heavier than it looks, isn’t it? Heavier than it was last night even? Do you think so? Well, and why not? This is an important moment. A weighty moment. But we mustn’t stop. No Timmy, this is your coming of age and we mustn’t hesitate.

You adjust the gun in your hand until it feels comfortable in your grip. With your left hand you pick up the clip. Smoothly you bring the clip to the gun and slid it home. Just like I taught you Timmy. Perfect. Now, chamber a round. You pull the slide back and cock the weapon. Slow and deliberate, and without hesitation. Now, where to put the barrel… Timmy, this is your right of passage, where do you think would be best?

Almost without realizing it you feel the barrel rest against your temple. Hmmm… Yes. Yes, that’s perfect. It’s a classic location. A tried and true technique, and totally appropriate for the situation. Your Mother and Father? Just put them out of your mind for now, Timmy. They couldn’t help you before, remember? What makes you think they can help you now? You know I’m the only one who understands you Timmy. I’m the only one who can help you. I feel the tension melt away from you. That’s better Timmy. See how much nicer it is when you just let go? Like I said: Trust me. I’ll never let you down.

Now is the moment Timmy. Take a deep breath if you want, cleanse the palette. That’s good. Eyes open or closed? You choose open. At first you look out the window at the rain and the dreary world, but as you pull the trigger your eyes swing to a picture of you and your parents, laughing and smiling with their arms around you. You think maybe you shouldn’t… Too late.



Regrets? That's a shame, Timmy. Can’t unshoot a gun. The world went black quite quick, didn’t it Timmy? Don’t worry; The darkness won't last long. You’ll see light again soon. Ahhh… There it is! … Whew! A little warm here isn’t it? Poor Timmy, but don't worry. You'll get used to it. After all we’re going to be here for a long time, you and I.

[Cobalt]

Hmmm...

Not sure if I was going to comment or not but since you asked me to take a look at it, I am going to.

I am not entirely comfortable with the subject matter, for one. It has been implied that "Timmy" is a child or near enough that a gun would be big and heavy. And he is tricked into committing suicide and then goes to Hell. Not really something I would have read on my own.

I'm not going to vote on it or anything.

My Two Cents Tossed Into the Pond

~Cobalt

[Sabre Profile]

I voted though I was reluctant to do so.

Subject matter is too dark for my liking. I'd prefer to see you put your writing skills to a more positive and synergetic goal.

[Jagernaut Profile]

honestly, I can't dispute your point of view. Even I think it's a little sick... And I wrote it. Hence the tittle of the post. Plus I literally never planned what was written. It really did 'just come out'. Still I posted it to make people think. Your reactions are visceral and real. When you think about all the movies, tv shows, computer games, And other entertainment media out there 24/7 that promote violence and pain, The fact that people can have a reaction like that to this story actually fills me with a bit of hope for the human race in general.

I appreciate your honest reactions.... Thank you.

[Mr.F Profile]

The vote is flawed me thnks, as it contains only degrees of the same kind. Kinda like a vote where the alterantives are "Yes, Yes with hesitation, Yes in near future".

Now, on to the text. I do not find it dark. Why? It is basically a discouragement to suicide. It portrays thoughts of suicide as a misleading devil that should not be trusted.

The fact that the voice that unmistakenly leads your thoughts to the biblical "devil" seem to have a concious will bother me far more. I think the belief in an evil force to be nothing but a way for people to blame their shortcommings on something else. In this story it makes Timmy the victim, and removes the part of the blame from the suicide by transfering it to this "devil". Timmy's "crime" is then simply misplaced trust. but perhaps the "devil" is just an effective deterent to most people? Or perhaps its use can be justified simply by it being so easily identified as something bad by most western cultures and thus making the association between suicide and bad all the more apparent?

/Mr.F - Didn't vote on account of there being no suitable alternative.